Saturday, December 27, 2014

It happened…

I knew it would! I knew that  if I kept with no exercise, eat whatever and whenever I wanted to it would. Today it did!  304 pounds! (I have refused to get on the scale for a few weeks.) My size 10/12 jeans sit nicely folded next to my size 20/22 jeans. I feel like I am the only woman in the world that has that! I have given in and given up on healthy the past 10 months and 95 pounds came back. So quick and furious! So a decision is to be made. Do I stay in this very comfortable place? Do I keep eating whatever and whenever I want to because it tastes so good and I love the feel of it on my throat, and somehow food makes everything better?

I am a fighter and I refuse to give up!

I have been so embarrassed by my body changes over the past 10 months. I was the woman that overcame this weight . I was the winner. I now feel like a loser. I don’t want to go out. I try to hide my body. I then hide from the world and don’t share my self with others. I used to be so confident, so much more fun and willing to do. Now I HIDE! This is not who I am! This is not the woman my Heavenly Father meant for me to be!

TODAY I make the decision to CHANGE. It will be a slower process this time I am sure. My body feels very heavy with this weight. It is not the strong body that lost the weight the first time. I am much weaker. My back, ankles and knees hurt from carrying this extra weight. I get pains in my chest. I will need to get off the weight before vigorous exercise begins. The sad, very sad part of this is that I made the decision to become this. Every bite was mine. I did this!

I have the power to change! So today I take control and change!

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