Today

Being Happy With Where I Am

Feelings…

Feelings are what they are and no one can say  that they are wrong or right. I am feeling so sad over my weight and food consumption. What's worse is that other than walking in the morning I haven’t changed any of my bad habits. I look in the mirror and cringe at what I have done to my body. I am no longer healthy and fit. I am overweight, lumpy, round, pudgy, fat, and many other descriptions. I know … I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I am still a good 150 pounds less than my heaviest weight. I am not a 5X girl but XL is becoming very familiar again. There isn’t a pair of jeans that fits any longer that I own unless I create a huge muffin top and bruise my hips. (Sadly I did that last week just because I wanted to wear jeans.) 
UHHGGG! I need to change! or I need to be happy with the body I have now. I am happy with my life, just not my body. Is that even possible? 

Race Pictures

 

I love that I am smiling ! I still can hardly believe that I ran a half-marathon weighing 263 lbs. CRAZY!!!! We actually ran the fist 8 miles at about a 10 min/mile pace. The last 5 we walked. I love that my sister Anna and I did it together. We stuck together the whole way. We “Did it for Dad!”

          

Half Marathon #6

3:30am, ready to leave for the American Fork Half Marathon.

 

Walking the Talk- 260 lbs today

I am pretty good and talking the talk of healthy living but lately (the last 2 years) I haven’t been walking the walk. The roller coaster of weight loss and gain has to stop. I have lost and gained literally 140 lbs the past 2 years. I am uncomfortably comfortable in my skin. I can’t explain it but being larger than most everyone around me is comfortable. It is what I have known my whole life up to a few years ago. I however don’t want to feel comfortable here.

I am not healthy. The food is in control of me. I need to regain control. I need to put my life in heavens hands again. I need to turn this heavy burden over to The Lord as I did 5 years ago. I need His help. This struggle is SO much more than I can handle myself. Food is once again consuming ALL of my waking thoughts and I am not being able to focus completely on those things that are most important. This trial is hard to explain to others who have not experienced it but I literally think about what I can eat next all day long. I am not hungry but I want to eat and seek out to eat whatever is on my mind.

I love how I feel when I am living a healthy lifestyle so this change MUST happen today! I need to do this on my own with my Savior’s help. No contest to win, no big trip to earn, just simply becoming HEALTHY! I deserve this, my family deserves this!  My Heavenly Father needs me to be ready spiritually and physically to be able to accomplish any task no matter what is it! I love myself enough to do this VERY HARD THING! With my Savior I can do this! I am ready!

Looking for the Positive

It has been almost 5 years since I began my journey to a healthier life. It has been a struggle the whole way. It is still a HUGE struggle! I am not where I want to be. I am disappointed in myself but I am trying to look for the positive. I am still 150 pounds lighter than 5 years ago and I HAVE TO BE PROUD of that fact. I wish it was still 200 lbs but life has refocused my time and efforts in other directions and I have put my fitness aside. That wasn’t the right choice but it happened and now I live with the extra pounds.

So today I begin a new goal. My goal is to write down all of my food intake and water as well as miles. I have in the back of my mind to blow away my students by looking fabulous at back to school night but that really shouldn't be the goal. The goal is to be healthier than I am today. To make the small changes that I have made a thousand times these past 5 years that helped me get the weight off. I hope that you are finding success in your journey to a healthier life. BALANCE is always the key!