Thursday, July 21, 2011

Finding Balance

I have felt very out of balance recently.  I didn’t notice how crazy I had gotten until I had  MAJOR meltdown last week.  I haven’t released so much emotion and junk in a sitting in a couple years.  The last time was right before I began my journey to this new body.  Wow, I felt like I was rock bottom again. But why?  after pouring out my heart and soul to my best girlfriend for 2 hours I realized that once again life is out of balance.

I was focusing too much on exercise and eating right that it was backfiring on me.  I was stressed out over it and losing sleep because of it and in turn I wasn’t seeing any results from my hard work.  I was tracking every bite and the moving of every muscle. Why?, because I wanted to be a good example for Jack who is working so hard to lose weight for his mission. I was rewinding my life to 2 years ago and reliving crisis mode and that isn’t where I am now. It isn’t what I need to do right now.  I am past that part of my journey.

As I talked through a lot of garbage that had filled my mind I realized that I have so far to go to be healthy in my thoughts and feelings about myself.  I have the eating right and exercise thing down but making sure that my mind, heart and spirit are there too is a little more difficult. I realized that my spiritual side has been a little neglected.

My breakdown was Friday night while Dan was gone camping with Nathan. When he got home Saturday afternoon I filled him in on my state of mind and decided the place I needed to be was The Temple. Life had gotten in the way of our regular Temple night the last 2 months and I missed the peace and quiet that worshipping in the House of the Lord brings to my life.  Oh how I wanted to stay there in the Celestial room and not go back to daily life.  It was just what I needed to regain some balance.  Then Sunday I was blessed to be asked to teach the Relief Society lesson on Eternal Marriage Sunday and how wonderful it was to share my testimony to the sisters of the importance of the temple and being sealed in the Temple.  I was really starting to feel better about life and myself.

I took the time Sunday evening to go on a long walk alone while listening to April General Conference.  It was a beautiful evening, I love the quiet valley that I live in.  The sun was setting  and I took the time to feed my spirit.  We never stopped daily scripture study, FHE or prayers but I hadn’t been focusing on my personal spirituality.  I haven’t been relying on The Lord as much as I should be. 

So now I am working again on the balancing act.  I am so thankful to have the knowledge that I have of our Heavenly Father’s Plan of Happiness.  What a blessing it is to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I have such peace in my heart again just knowing that The Savior is there to pick me up every time that I fall and no matter how many times I get off track He will always be there.  I love the picture that I have hanging in my living room that I often look at and meditate over.  The title of this painting is “Seeking the One”. He is there for us but we have to let Him in!

Seeking the one

Balance, I hope I can keep it for a little while before it leans one way or the other again.  Thank goodness everyday we can start over and that we aren’t on the journey alone!

1 comment:

  1. Good for you for figuring it out. Same sort of reasons I've changed a few things this summer, too. *wink*