Thursday, October 4, 2012

Just Keep Going!

The scale has climbed back up a few pounds.  I watch it climb and I fear that it will just keep going.  I get frustrated when it moves the wrong direction but I realize that I can’t let it consume my life like I did a couple years ago.  Balance and moderation in all things!  That is the key.

When I get desperate and feel like I am failing at this whole living healthy thing I have to fall to my knees.  I find my strength to keep going from my deep faith in my Savior Jesus Christ.  I know that my life is better now and that I can serve so much more and feel so much better.  He wants me to be happy.  I want to be happy.  When I look to Him for strength I am strong.  When I don’t focus on my Savior then everything gets fuzzy and out of focus in my life.  I took a picture to remind myself to look to the Savior for my strength.  It is only with Him at my side that I will keep this weight off.  I feel all consumed some days with my eating “addiction” and I do give in.  Other days I stay strong and eat well.  I try to forgive myself and move on.  

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I am thinking about attending a “Eating Disorder- Food Addiction Group”.  I really think it could help me fully understand how to apply the Atonement to my trail with my food and weight. I will let you know what I decide.  Just do your best. 

I am not the best example to follow right now.  I am exercising just fine but eating, well…. I am feeling very out of place in my life right now.  I need to find my direction.  With my children at school all day I am lost as to what I should do.  Crazy to not do anything when literally I could do everything I want but I feel empty and a bit lost without a little one constantly needing my attention.  I am finding myself up at the school several days a week with a warm lunch for them and I am volunteering 4 hours a week in classrooms. I should just get on my bike and ride for hours but that seems so selfish.  Having so much time to myself is so foreign to me.  I am considering working to fill the emptiness but I really don’t feel like that is the answer.  Oh decisions, decisions.  A new era to my life has begun and I need to figure this out.  Once I find my direction then my eating will hopefully fall back into place. 

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