My Thoughts

I made my last post sound a little over the top I think.  My 2 hours of exercise is 1 hour cardio 5 days a week my second hour of the day is after the kids are in bed, laying on the floor while I enjoy watching my favorite tv shows and do my crunches, pelvic lifts, weights,  push ups, etc.  It is very low key and not really a full hour because I rest in between and don't sweat or anything, it is just enjoyable and part of my nightly routine.  I also don't do it EVERY night but most nights.

I know myself very well and realize that I can slip up very easily since I already have started the slippery slope back to where I used to be.  The worry over surgery has already sent me back to my old favorites of mashed potatoes, rolls, crackers, cookies, ect. Sadly I feel like I am justified in eating them because I want their comfort.

I realize that it will be only a couple months before I can be back to my regular routine. Hopefully I'll be able to at least walk on the tredmill a little a week or two after surgery. 

Unless you have lived as a morbidly obese person since being a baby and just finally reached your goal weight after 18 months of extremely hard work You can not possibly understand how I am feeling right now.  I worry and I think that's ok.  I will have the surgery and heal and get back to living a healthy life but I hate medication, I always have.  I don't even take Tylenol except a few times in my life when having a migraine or with strep throat.  I don't like the idea of needing pain meds.  I don't like anything that will change my mind to not think clearly or to numb things.  Enough of that...  I hope my thoughts seem more understandable than my previous post.  If not, that is how I feel and I am willing to own them as mine.