Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I just started writing and… - Feb 3rd, 2010

I now feel that my inner self and my outer self are in harmony with each other.

I can't explain the joy I feel from being able to overcome the biggest obstacle in my life. I began this life big, 10lbs 14oz and I never stopped. I remember the nurse gasping and shaking her head when she weighed me in for kindergarten. I don't remember the number but I knew how big I was and how I was different at a very young age. I always tried to look happy and for the most part I have been very happy. I have lived my life as my Heavenly Father has wanted me to live (for the most part, I'm not perfect!). I have been very blessed with all that I have ever wanted. I went away to BYU at 18 yrs old and then at 21 I married my Knight in Shining Armor in the Manti Temple for time and all eternity, I graduated with my Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education in 1996 from BYU, kids didn't come easily but with an excellent doctor and medication my first child was born in 1997. I stayed home to be what I always dreamed of a Stay at Home Mother and Homemaker! In 1998 we built our home and eventually with more fertility treatment children came in 2000, 2002, 2004 and 2007. What more could I want?

I served in many Church Positions that I loved including, Compassionate Service Leader, Librarian, Nursery Teacher, Primary Teacher, Humanitarian Specialist, Primary President, Cub Committee Chair, and now Young Women's Secretary. I love serving so I also volunteer at the school and was elected to be on the School Community Council for 4 years now and also serve on the PTA. Yes, my life has been very full and lots of happiness BUT there has not always been joy in my body size. I played it off a lot and just accepted that this was the way I was to be.

Well, last May I hit rock bottom. My weight hit 390 lbs. Thank goodness I have an extra large bone structure because I didn't look that weight but non the less the scale didn't lie. I was devastated! I reached this weight when I was at the end of my 1st pregnancy but hadn't been quite that heavy since. I knew something had to change. I wasn't happy with myself and I felt that I was letting down my Heavenly Father and my family by not taking control of my life. I didn't know how to do it though. I knew I didn't have the strength to do it myself. I needed a power beyond my own to make this change. I began praying for guidance. I fasted over this and continued to pray daily. Not long after I began petitioning my Heavenly Father for help he sent an answer.

A few neighbors were stating a "Biggest Loser" competition. I am pretty competitive (I had no idea just how competitive) so if I was to participate, I had to win!!! The journey began and I jumped in hard and fast! It was so difficult. I even broke down in tears over feeling hungry or not seeing the results. The first 3 months were HARD!!! With anything of value that we do in this life we should expect it to be difficult. This life change was so needed but so different from how I'd lived my life for 36 years. Food was my comfort. Food was always there for me no matter what. Now I couldn't run to food anymore. I found a strength in myself I didn't know I had. I also found a stronger relationship with my husband and of course with my Savior, Jesus Christ and with my Heavenly Father.

Every month I continue to fast for strength and pray daily to keep moving forward on this life change. I can't tell you how much comfort and strength I have received through fasting and prayer. I did not have the strength but with heavenly help I have made it! I feel that the part of my heart that needed the comfort and acceptance that food gave me has been healed through the Atonement of the Savior. I no longer need food more than to sustain my life. I don't think about food every minute of my day like I used to. I can't explain how thankful I am to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (The Mormons) and to know where true joy and happiness comes from in this life. I have been blessed beyond belief and pray that my journey in some way will help others on their journey; no matter what we want to change within ourselves. Anything can be accomplished with our Savior, Jesus Christ at our side.

I can't believe these are misses size 16 Levi's. Wow, I never even dreamed that was possible!

So here' my update. Since June 2009 I have now lost 160 pounds. My ultimate goal is 10 more pounds but I'm not going to limit myself. Who knows where I'll end up.

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