Tuesday, October 12, 2010

A look back at 2009 and forward to 2010 - Jan 4 2010

I still look in the mirror sometimes and hardly recognize the woman looking back at me. I have lost 140 pounds. My body is completely transformed into something very foreign to me. Don't get me wrong I love it. It is just so strange not to worry about fitting into chairs with arms and if my weight might possibly break the folding chair that I'm going to sit on. Those worries were a part of my everyday life 6 months ago. I love exercise now and eating healthy. I'm learning to eat just one bite of the yummy stuff that's not good for you and feeling satisfied with just a taste.

I have realized that people must think that I am a totally different on the inside too now but that isn't true. It hurts sometimes when people try to compliment my weight loss but then slip in comments like, "NOW you look so good." or someone even had the nerve to tell me how I am such a better person now for following the Word of Wisdom (this is a religious guide on healthy habits) and that I must feel great now for actually keeping that commandment. I still have feelings and if you want to say you look great just stop at that. I can't count how many times I walk away from a compliment feeling worse because of all of the added comments added by these people that have never struggled with their weight. I will always struggle with my weight no matter what because a have a very slow metabolism. I will always be the 200 pound 11 year old that wishes she fit in. Those things will never be lost from me.

The crazy thing is that "skinny people" that have a fast metabolism, never exercise, eat whatever they want including 2 desserts are the ones who tell me about following the W of W. Give me a break!!! They have this false idea that all I did was sit around and eat all day and that is why I weighed nearly 400 pounds. That isn't at all true. I ate fairly normally but without exercise and a slow metabolism the weight just came little by little. I gained a lot while I took the hormone clomid in order to get pregnant and have children. It was definitely worth it but initially I gained 50 pounds before my first pregnancy just from the hormones. Yes I didn't live a healthy lifestyle but it wasn't excessive like many think. (It feels good to get that off my back!!!)

Anyway, I now look forward to a year of health and lots of activity and trying to lose another 30 pounds and not gaining any weight back.

1 comment:

  1. AMEN!!!! Thank you for posting this!!!
    byw...I understand the clomid bit. I have been on quadruple doses of the stuff...didn't get pregnant but did go nuts. lol :) I also have a slow metabolism. I have something called Poly cycstic ovarian syndrome and along with facial hair and weight issues I couldn't get pg.
    Thank you for saying what so many of us feel!