Tuesday, October 12, 2010

A lot on my mind. Nov 13, 2009

I have now lost 115 pounds. I can wear a regular women's size large/xl depending on the store or a size 16/18 top and size 20 jeans!

I was thrilled to find this jean skirt. I am now getting to wear clothes that I only dreamed would fit me as a teenager. I think it is pretty cute. The best part is that I found it at DI for $3!!!

I started my journey to a healthier lifestyle 5 months ago. It is hard to believe that not more time has passed. It has become a new way of life for me to exercise for 1 hour right after the boys go to school then have breakfast of either a green protein shake or hot whole wheat cereal. I continue about my day watching every calorie I eat and weighing in my mind if it's worth it to steal a bite of something "bad" for me. I am learning self control and moderation which is wonderful. If I can eat just a bite or two of whatever tempting item, I am then satisfied and the craving goes away. Before I would go back again and again till I'd eaten every bite. I am so thankful for the progress that I have made. Before bed I am doing 30 min on the elliptical and about 30 min of toning exercises. I feel so good going to bed knowing I've done everything I can to make my body as healthy as possible!

I do have one thing that I'm really struggling with. I have always been a very happy and positive person. No matter what my size and weight I always loved myself and felt beautiful. I now have a really hard time looking back at pictures without feeling sick to my stomach with what I see. I am having a hard time seeing the joy and happiness in the pictures that I know is there but instead I focus on how big my body is. I never thought about my weight then. I loved life and my family just as I do now but it is so painful to see these pictures. I guess I wish I'd changed a long time ago. I need to find a way to accept myself in those pictures so I can remember the wonderful memories. It is almost like I am mourning a loss. It is so hard to explain.

This is one of the pictures that I saw that made me realize that I had to do something about my weight. It just didn't look like me anymore. When did I let myself get so big? This was the beginning of May 2009.

May 26th 2009. I remember looking at this picture and realizing that I had gained a lot of weight. I had dropped 5 pounds from the previous picture though. I lost a total of 9 or so pounds before the "biggest loser" competition started.

1 week into the competiton. Last week of June 2009. I would lose 10 pounds this week.

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